The Wrong Twin Read online

  CHAPTER V

  Dave Cowan went down the ridge to the road, disregarding his gypsyfriends. He trod the earth with a ruffling bravado. The Wilbur twinlingered as far behind as he dared, loitering provocatively in the sightof the child stealers. If they meant to do anything about it now wastheir chance. But no violence was offered him, and presently, far beyondthe camp where the fire still burned, he was forced to conclude thatthey could not mean to carry him off. Certainly they were neglecting aprize who had persistently flaunted himself at them. They notably lackedenterprise.

  Down over the grassy slope of West Hill they went, the boy still well inthe rear; you never could tell what might happen; and so came to FairStreet across shadows that lay long to the east. Newbern was stillslumberous. Smoke issued from a chimney here and there, but mostly thetown would partake of a cold supper. The boy came beside his father,with Frank, the dog, again on his leash of frayed rope. Dave Cowan wasreciting to himself:

  Enchanted ports we, too, shall touch; Cadiz or Cameroon--

  Then he became conscious of the silent boy at his side, steppingnoiselessly with bare feet.

  "Life is funny," said Dave.

  "Yes, sir," said Wilbur.

  "Of course there's a catch in it somewhere."

  "Yes, sir."

  "That old girl back there, that old maid, she'll have to small-town itall her life. I feel sorry for her, I do."

  "Yes, sir."

  But the sorrowing father now began to whistle cheerfully. His grief hadnot overborne him. A man who would call Judge Penniman Old Flapdoodleand question the worth of Matthew Arnold's acquaintance was not to belong downcast at the plight of one woman. And he had done what man couldfor her.

  They came to River Street, the street of shops, deserted and sleepingback of drawn curtains. Only the shop of Solly Gumble seemed to be openfor trade. This was but seeming, however, for another establishment nearby, though sealed and curtained as to front, suffered its rear portal toyawn most hospitably. This was the place of business of HermanVielhaber, and its street sign concisely said, "Lager Bier Saloon."

  Dave Cowan turned into the alley just beyond Solly Gumble's, then upanother alley that led back of the closed shops, and so came to the backdoor of this refectory. It stood open, and from the cool and shadowyinterior came a sourish smell of malt liquors and the hum of voices.They entered and were in Herman Vielhaber's pleasant back room, withsanded floor and a few round tables, at which sat half a dozen menconsuming beer from stone mugs or the pale wine of Herman's country fromtall glasses.

  Herman was a law-abiding citizen. Out of deference to a sacred andlong-established American custom he sealed the front of his saloon onthe Sabbath; out of deference to another American custom, equally longestablished, equally sacred, he received his Sabbath clientele at therear--except for a brief morning interval when he and Minna, his wife,attended service at the Lutheran church. Herman's perhaps not too subtlemind had never solved this problem of American morals--why his beveragesshould be seemly to drink on all days of the week, yet on one of themseemly but if taken behind shut doors and shielding curtains. But headhered conscientiously to the American rule. His Lutheran pastor hadonce, in an effort to clear up the puzzle, explained to him that theContinental Sunday would never do at all in this land of his choice; butit left Herman still muddled, because fixed unalterably in his mind wasa conviction that the Continental Sunday was the best of all Sundays.Nor was there anything the least clandestine in this backdoor trade ofHerman's on the Sabbath. One had but to know the path to his door, andat this moment Newbern's mayor, old Doctor Purdy, sat at one of Herman'stables and sipped from a stone mug of beer and played a game of pinochlewith stout, red-bearded Herman himself, overlooked by Minna, who hadbrought them their drink.

  This was another thing about Herman's place that Newbern understood intime. When he had begun business some dozen years before, and it wasknown that Minna came downstairs from their living rooms above thesaloon and helped to serve his patrons, the scandal was high. It wassupposed that only a woman without character could, for any purposewhatever, enter a saloon. But Herman had made it plain that into thesort of saloon he conducted any woman, however exalted, could freelyenter. If they chose not to, that was their affair. And Minna had intime recovered a reputation so nearly lost at first news of her servicehere.

  Herman, indeed, ran a place of distinction, or at least of tone. He didsell the stronger drinks, it is true, but he sold them judiciously, andmuch preferred to sell the milder ones. He knew his patrons, and wouldstubbornly not sell drink, even beer or wine, to one he suspected ofabusing the stuff. As for rowdyism, it was known far and wide aboutNewbern that if you wanted to get thrown out of Herman's quick you hadonly to start some rough stuff, or even talk raw. It was said he juggledyou out the door like you were an empty beer keg. Down by the riversidewas another saloon for that sort of thing, kept by Pegleg McCarron, whowould sell whisky to any one that could buy, liked rough stuff and withhis crutch would participate in it.

  When Herman decided that a customer was spending too much money fordrink, that customer had to go to Pegleg's if he bought more. And nowthe mayor at the little table connived at a flagrant breach of the lawhe had sworn to uphold, quaffing beer from his mug and melding a hundredaces as casually as if it were a week-day.

  The other men at the little tables were also of the substantialcitizenry of Newbern, including the postmaster, the editor of the_Advance_, and Rapp, Senior, of Rapp Brothers, Jewellery. The last twowere arguing politics and the country's welfare. Rapp, Senior, believedand said that the country was going to the dogs, because the rich weregetting richer and the poor were getting poorer. The editor of the_Advance_ disputed this, and the postmaster intervened to ask if Rapp,Senior, had seen what our exports of wheat and cotton were lately. Rapp,Senior, said he didn't care anything about that--it was the interests hewas down on. Herman Vielhaber, melding eighty kings, said it was a goodrich-man's country, but also a good poor-man's country, because wherecould you find one half as good--not in all Europe--and he now laid downforty jacks, which he huskily called "yacks."

  Dave Cowan greeted the company and seated himself at a vacant table.

  "Pull up a chair, Buzzer, and we'll drink to the life force--oldelectricity or something."

  "Yes, sir," said Wilbur, and seated himself.

  Minna left the pinochle game to attend upon them. She was plump andpink-faced, with thick yellow hair neatly done. A broad white apronprotected her dress of light blue.

  "A stein of Pilsener, Minna," said Dave, "and for the boy, let's see.How would you like, a nice cold bottle of pop, Doctor?"

  "Yes, sir," said Wilbur. "Strawberry pop."

  Herman looked up from his game, though in the midst of warm utterance inhis native tongue at the immediate perverse fall of the cards.

  "I guess you git the young one a big glass milk, mamma--yes? Better thanpop for young ones. Pop is belly wash."

  "Yes, ma'am," said Wilbur to Minna, though he would have preferred thepop by reason of its colour and its vivacious prickling; and you couldhave milk at home.

  "And I tell you, Minna," said Dave. "Bread and butter and cheese, lotsof it, rye bread and pumpernickel and Schweitzerkase and some picklesand radishes, _nicht wahr_?"

  "Yes," said Minna, "all!" and moved on to the bar. But Dave detainedher.

  "Minna!"

  She stopped and turned back to him.

  "You will?"

  "_Sprechen sie Deutsch_, Minna?"

  "_Ja_--yes--why not? I should think I do. I always could. Why couldn'tI?"

  She went on her mission, grumbling pettishly. Why shouldn't she speakher own language? What did the man think? He must be a joker!

  "Mamma!" Herman called again. "Git also the young one some that _apfelkuchen_. You make it awful good."

  "Yes," called Minna from the bar. "I git it. For why wouldn't I speak myown language, I like to know?"

  Dave Cowan's jest was smouldering faintly within her.
She returnedpresently with the stein of beer and a glass of milk, and went, stillmuttering, for the food that had been commanded. She returned with this,setting bread and butter and cheese before them, and a blue plate whoseextensive area was all but covered with apple cake, but now she nolonger muttered in bewilderment. She confronted the jester, hands uponhips, her doll eyes shining with triumph.

  "Hah! Now, mister, I ask you something good like you ask me. You gitready! _Sprechen sie English_?"

  Dave Cowan affected to be overcome with confusion, while Minna laughedloud and long at her sally. Herman laughed with her, his head back andhuge red beard lifted from his chest.

  "She got you that time, mister!" he called to Dave. "Mamma's a brightone, give her a minute so she gits herself on the spot!"

  "_Ja! Sprechen sie English_?" taunted Minna again, for a second relishof her repartee. Effusively, in her triumph, she patted the cheek of theWilbur twin. "_Ja_! I could easy enough give your poppa as good like hesent, yes? _Sprechen sie English, nicht wahr_?"

  Again her bulk trembled with honest mirth, and while this endured shewent to the ice box and brought a bone for Frank, the dog. Frank fellupon it with noisy gurgles.

  Dave Cowan affected further confusion at each repetition of Minna'sstinging retort; acted it so convincingly that the victor at lengthrelented and brought a plate of cookies to the table.

  "I show you who is it should be foolish in the head!" she told himtriumphantly.

  "You got me, Minna--I admit it."

  The victim pretended to be downcast, and ate his bread and cheesedejectedly. Minna went to another table to tell over the choice bit.

  The Wilbur twin ate bread and cheese and looked with interest about theroom. The tables and woodwork were dark, the walls and ceiling also lowin tone. But there were some fine decorative notes that stood brightlyout. On one wall was a lovely gold-framed picture in which a young womanof great beauty held back a sumptuous curtain revealing a castle on theRhine set above a sunny terrace of grapevines. On the opposite wall wasa richly coloured picture of a superb brewery. It was many stories inheight; smoke issued from its chimneys, and before it stood a largetruck to which were hitched two splendid horses. The truck was beingloaded with the brewery's enlivening product. The brewery was red, thetruck yellow, the horses gray, and the workmen were clad in blue, andabove all was a flawless sky of blue. It was a spirited picture, and theWilbur twin was instantly enamoured of it. He wished he might have seenthis yesterday, when he was rich. Maybe Mr. Vielhaber would have soldit. He thought regretfully of Winona's delight at receiving thebeautiful thing to hang on the wall of the parlour, a fit companionpiece to the lion picture. But he had spent his money, and this lovelything could never be Winona's.

  Discussion of world affairs still went forward between Rapp, Senior, andthe _Advance_ editor. Even in that day the cost of living was said to beexcessive, and Rapp, Senior, though accounting for its rise by theiniquity of the interests, submitted that the cost of women's finery waswhat kept the world poor.

  "It's women's tomfool dressing keeps us all down. Look what they pay fortheir silks and satins and kickshaws and silly furbelows! That's wherethe bulk of our money goes: bonnets and high-heeled slippers and fancycloaks. Take the money spent for women's foolish truck and see whatyou'd have!" Rapp, Senior, gazed about him, looking for contradiction.

  "He's right," said Dave Cowan. "He's got the truth of it. But, my Lord!Did you ever think what women would be without all that stuff? Look whatit does for 'em! Would you have 'em look like us? Would you have abeautiful woman wear a cheap suit of clothes like Rapp's got on, and ahat bought two years ago? Not in a thousand years! We dress 'em up thatway because we like 'em that way."

  Rapp, Senior, dusted the lapel of his coat, tugged at his waistcoat tostraighten it, and closely regarded a hat that he had supposed beyondcriticism.

  "That's all right," he said, "but look where it gets us!"

  Presently the discussion ended--Rapp, Senior, still on the note ofpessimism and in the fell clutch of the interests--for the debaters mustgo blamelessly home to their suppers. Only the mayor remained at hisgame with Herman, his gray, shaven old face bent above his cards whilehe muttered at them resentfully. Dave Cowan ate his bread and cheesewith relish and invoked another stein of beer from Minna, whovindictively flung her jest at him again as she brought it.

  The Wilbur twin had eaten his apple cake and was now eating the cookies,taking care to drop no crumbs on the sanded floor. After many cookiesdusk fell and he heard the church bells ring for evening worship. But noone heeded them. The game drew to an excited finish, while Dave Cowan,his pipe lighted, mused absently and from time to time quoted bits ofverse softly to himself:

  Enchanted ports we, too, shall touch; Cadiz or Cameroon--

  The game ended with an explosion of rage from the mayor. The cards hadcontinued perverse for him. He pushed his soft black hat back from hisrumpled crest of gray hair and commanded Minna Vielhaber to break amunicipal ordinance which had received his official sanction. Hermancheerily combed his red beard and scoffed at his late opponent.

  "It makes dark," Minna reminded him. "You should have light."

  Herman lighted two lamps suspended above the tables. Then he addressedthe Wilbur twin, now skillfully prolonging the last of his cookies.

  "Well, young one, you like your bread and cheese and milk and cookiesand apfel kuchen, so? Well, I tell you--come here. I show you somethingfine."

  He went to the front room, where the bar was, and the Wilbur twinexpectantly followed. He had learned that these good people produced allmanner of delights. But this was nothing to eat. The light from thelamps shone over the partition between back room and front, and there ina spacious cage beside the wall was a monkey, a small, sad-eyed creaturewith an aged, wrinkled face all but human. He crouched in a corner andhad been piling wisps of straw upon his reverend head.

  "Gee, gosh!" exclaimed the Wilbur twin, for he had expected nothing sorare as this.

  The monkey at sight of Herman became animated, leaping again and againthe length of the cage and thrusting between its bars a hairy forearmand a little, pinkish, human hand.

  "You like him, hey?" said Herman.

  "Gee, gosh!" again exclaimed the Wilbur twin in sheer delight.

  "It's Emil his name is," said Herman. "You want out, Emil, hey?"

  He unclasped the catch of a door, and Emil leaped to the crook of hisarm, where he nestled, one hand securely grasping a fold of Herman'sbeard.

  "Ouch, now, don't pull them whiskers!" warned Herman. "See how he knowshis good friend! But he shake hands like a gentleman. Emil, shake handsnicely with this young one." The monkey timidly extended a paw and theentranced Wilbur shook it. "Come," said Herman. "I let you give himsomething."

  They went to the back room, Emil still stoutly grasping the beard of hisprotector.

  "Now," said Herman, "you give him a nice fat banana. Mamma, give theyoung one a banana to give to Emil."

  The banana was brought and the Wilbur twin cautiously extended it. Emil,at sight of the fruit, chattered madly and tried to leap for it. Heappeared to believe that this strange being meant to deprive him of it.He snatched it when it was thrust nearer, still regarding the boy withdark suspicion. Then he deftly peeled the fruit and hurriedly ate it, asif one could not be--with strangers about--too sure of one's supper.

  The monkey moved Dave Cowan to lecture again upon the mysteries oforganic evolution.

  "About three hundred million years difference between those two," hesaid, indicating Herman and his pet with a wave of the calabash. "Andit's no good asking whether it's worth while, because we have to go onand on. That little beast is your second cousin, Herman."

  "I got a Cousin Emil in the old country," said Minna, "but he ain'tlookin' like this last time I seen him. I guess you're foolish in thehead again."

  "He came out of the forest and learned to stand up, to walk withoutusing his hands, and he got a thumb, and pretty soon he was able to be
asmall-town mayor or run a nice decent saloon and argue about politics."

  "Hah, that's a good one!" said Herman. "You hear what he says, Emil?"

  The beast looked up from his banana, regarding them from eyesunutterably sad.

  "See?" said Dave. "That's the life force, and for a minute it'sconscious that it's only a monkey."

  They became silent under Emil's gaze of acute pathos--human life awareof its present frustration. Then suddenly Emil became once more ananimated and hungry monkey with no care but for his food.

  "There," said Dave. "I ask you, isn't that the way we do? Don't we stopto think sometimes and get way down, and then don't we feel hungry andforget it all and go to eating?"

  "Sure, Emil is sensible just like us," said Minna.

  "But there's some catch about the whole thing," said Dave. "Say, Doc,what do you think life is, anyway?"

  Purdy scanned the monkey with shrewd eyes, and grinned.

  "I only know what it is physiologically," he said. "Physiologically,life is a constant force rhythmically overcoming a constant resistance."

  "Pretty good," said Dave, treasuring the phrase. "The catch must beright there--it always does overcome the constant resistance."

  "When it can't in one plant," said Purdy, "it dismantles it and buildsanother, making improvements from time to time."

  "Think what it's had to do," said Dave, "to build Herman from a simple,unimproved plant like Emil! Herman's a great improvement on Emil."

  "My Herman has got a soul," said Minna, stoutly--"monkeys ain't."

  Dave Cowan and Purdy exchanged a tolerant smile. They were above arguingthat outworn thesis. Dave turned to his son.

  "Anyway, Buzzer, if you ever get discouraged, remember we were all likethat once, and cheer up. Remember your ancestry goes straight back toone of those, and still back of that--"

  "To the single cell of protoplasm," said Purdy.

  "Beyond that," said Dave, "to star dust."

  "Yes, sir," said Wilbur.

  "Foolish in the head," said Minna. "You think you know things betterthan the reverent what preaches at the Lutheran church! He could easyenough tell you what you come from. My family was in Bavaria more thantwo hundred years, and was not any monkeys."

  "Maybe Emil he got a soul, too, like a human," remarked Herman.

  "You bet he has," said Dave Cowan, firmly--"just like a human."

  "You put him to bed," directed Minna. "He listen to such talk and gofoolish also in the head."

  The Wilbur twin watched Emil put to bed, then followed his father outinto the quiet, starlit streets. He was living over again an eventfulafternoon. They reached the Penniman porch without further talk. DaveCowan sat with his guitar in the judge's chair and lazily sounded chordsand little fragments of melody. After a time the Pennimans and the Merletwin came from church. The Wilbur twin excitedly sought Winona, havingmuch to tell her. He drew her beside him into the hammock, and was tooeager for more than a moment's dismay when she discovered his bare feet,though he had meant to put on shoes and stockings again before she sawhim.

  "Barefooted on Sunday!" said Winona in tones of prim horror.

  "It was so hot," he pleaded; "but listen," and he rushed headlong intohis narrative.

  His father knew gypsies, and had been to Chicago and Omaha and--andCadiz and Cameroon--and he was sorry for Miss Juliana Whipple becauseshe was a small-towner and no one had ever kissed her since her motherdied; and if ever gypsies did carry him off he didn't want any one toworry about him or try to get him back; and the Vielhabers were verynice people that kept a nice saloon; and Mrs. Vielhaber had given himlots of apple cake that was almost like an apple pie, but without anytop on it; and they had a lovely picture that would look well beside thelion picture, but it would probably cost too much money; and they had amonkey, a German monkey, that was just like a little old man; and once,thousands of years ago, when the Bible was going on, we were all monkeysand lived in trees, but a constant force made us stand and walk likepeople.

  To Winona this was a shocking narrative, and she wished to tell DaveCowan that he was having a wretched influence upon the boy, but Dave wasnow singing "In the Gloaming," and she knew he would merely call herMadame la Marquise, the toast of all the court, or something elseunsuitable to a Sabbath evening. She tried to convey to the Wilbur twinthat sitting in a low drinking saloon at any time was an evil thing.

  "Anyway," said he, protestingly, "you say I should always learnsomething, and I learned about us coming up from the monkeys."

  "Why, Wilbur Cowan! How awful! Have you forgotten everything you everlearned at Sunday-school?"

  "But I saw the monkey," he persisted, "and my father said so, and DoctorPurdy said so."

  Winona considered.

  "Even so," she warned him, "even if we did come up from the lowerorders, the less said about it the better."

  He had regarded his putative descent without prejudice; he was sorrythat Winona should find scandal in it.

  "Well," he remarked to relieve her, "anyway, there's some catch in it.My father said so."